From the Desk of Don Slinger Issue 59

Summer 2006 CSANews Issue 59  |  Posted date : May 28, 2007.Back to list

Hi Folks!

As background information to the following experiences of a friend, who was an only child, I should tell you that I am one of eight children and am as close to the middle of the clan as one can get (chronologically). All of us graduated from schools of higher learning. My wife, Beth, is the oldest of three and her mother is enjoying her 102nd year.

My friend was taught by his mother. Here are some of the lessons she taught him as he related them to me.

My mother taught me RELIGION: "You'd better pray that that stain will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

My mother taught me about LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me about FORESIGHT: "Make sure that you wear clean underwear, in case you are in an accident."

My mother taught me about IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck."

My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You sit there until that spinach is all gone."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times – don't exaggerate."

My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father."

My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING: "You're going to get it when we get home."

My mother taught me about ESP: "Put on your sweater. Don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My mother taught me about HUMOUR: "When the lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me about GENETICS: "You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Shut that door. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." (and my favourite...)

My mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and they'll turn out just like you."

I'll leave you now to ponder over a complex question: why does a slight increase in taxes cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial cut saves you 30 cents?

God Bless.