Animal Crackers

Fall 2002 CSANews Issue 44  |  Posted date : Apr 09, 2007.Back to list

Bird Talk?
Frank's parrot swore like a sailor, he could swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Unfortunately, Frank was a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth was driving him crazy.

Frank tried covering the parrot's cage and even tried locking him in a cupboard one day, but the parrot's language just kept getting worse.

Finally, Frank got so mad that he threw the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds there was a terrible din, and Frank was shocked by the language he heard. Then, suddenly, it got VERY quiet.

After a few minutes of silence, Frank got so worried that he opened the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbed onto Frank's out-stretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

Frank was astounded. He couldn't understand the transformation that had come over the parrot.

Suddenly the parrot asked, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Made In...?
A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

"How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

Perceptive Pooch
A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?"

"Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual...he hated the book!"

Beware of Dog!
Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside, a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

The stranger asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied.

The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"