What is the longest word in the dictionary?
Smiles, there is a mile between the first and last letter.

How many different kinds of animals did Moses take in the ark?
It was Noah.

What do you get when you cross a bee with a bell?
Humdinger.

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.

What has 12 legs and flies?
6 pr of men's pants.

Some months have 30 days, some 31. How many have 28?
They all have 28 days.

What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?
Receding hairline.

I am the life of the party, even when it lasts until 8:00 p.m.

I am very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.

I am usually interested in going home before I get where I'm going.

I am good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, Beano and antacid.

I am the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I am awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I am smiling all of the time, because I can't hear a darned word you're saying.

I am very good at telling stories ­ over and over and over.

I am not grouchy ­ I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds and politicians.

I'm sure that everything I can't find, is in a secure place somewhere.

I am wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just in my left leg!

I walk more (to the bathroom), and enjoy it less.

I am going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors ­ absolutely nothing!

I am sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I wonder, if you are only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 160?

I support all movements now, by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

I am a walking storeroom of facts....I just lost the storeroom.

I am a senior citizen and I am having the time of my life!