OOPS!

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To overcome this obstacle, NASA scientists spent $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, under water, on almost any surface including glass, and at temperatures from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius.

The Russians used a pencil!

PUZZLED PARROT

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week, so this allowed the magician to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day, the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself adrift on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another. On the third day, the parrot could not hold back: "Ok, I give up. Where's the boat?"

JUDGEMENT DAY

A father, a lawyer and an HMO (Health Maintenance Organization) President all died and went to the pearly gates to receive their judgment.

"So," Saint Peter said to the father, "what have you done in your file to deserve eternal happiness?" The dad explained that he was devoted to his wife and children, and that he supported them both financially and emotionally. St. Peter said, "Well, that's pretty good. Come on in."

Saint Peter then asked the lawyer, "What have you done in your life to deserve eternal happiness?" The lawyer explained that, even though she wasn't perfect, she devoted her life to defending the helpless. Saint Peter thought for a bit, then said, "Well, nobody's perfect," and let her in.

Finally, Saint Peter asked the HMO president, "What have you done in your life to deserve eternal happiness?" "Well," said the HMO president, "I've provided affordable healthcare for all who need it," he said.

Saint Peter though a bit, them pointed to the down escalator. "But why? Why can't I go to Heaven?" the HMO president asked frantically.

Saint Peter sighed and said, "Okay, but you can only stay here two or three days."

Spotted on the iVillager.com website submitted by iVillagerLavender

DID YOU KNOW?

There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple, and month.
The only word in the English language that has four sets of double letters in a row is balloonneer.
The only word in the English language that has three sets of double letters in a row is bookkeeper.