Golf Nut

In my hand I hold a ball...white and dimpled, rather small...

Oh, how bland it does appear...this harmless looking little sphere...

By its size I could not guess...the awesome strength it does possess...

But since I fell beneath its spell...I've wandered through the fires of hell...

My life has not been quite the same...Since I chose to play this stupid game...

It rules my mind for hours on end...A fortune it has made me spend...

It has made me swear and yell and cry...I hate myself and want to die...

It promises a thing called par...If I can hit straight and far...

To master such a tiny ball...should not be very hard at all...

But my desires the ball refuses...and does exactly like it chooses...

It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies...and even disappears before my eyes...

Often it will take a whim...to hit a tree or take a swim...

With miles of grass on which to land...it finds a tiny patch of sand...

Then has me offering up my soul... if only it would find the hole...

It's made me whimper like a pup...and swear that I will give it up...

And take a drink to ease my sorrow...but the ball knows...

I'll be back tomorrow!!!!
Submitted by Ellen White

The Check-up

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink alcohol?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbequed ribs?"

I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf/sailing/ballooning/rock climbing ?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around?"

"No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why would you care about living to be 80?"

Things that make me wonder aloud...

1. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?
   
   
2. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
   
   
3. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
   
   
4. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?