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The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club...
A cell phone on a bench rings, and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.

Man: "Hello?"
Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
Man: "Yes"
Woman: "I'm at the mall and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000, is it OK if I buy it?"
Man: "Sure. Go ahead if you like it that much."
Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked?"
Man: "How much?"
Woman: "$120,000."
Man: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
Woman: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $1.5 Million."
Man: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but only offer $1.2 Million"
Woman: "OK. I'll see you later'I love you!"
Man: "Bye, I love you too!"
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment, then he asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

The Wise Old Poodle

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle, Duchess, along for the company. One day Duchess starts chasing butterflies and before long, she discovers that she's lost.

Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on some bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who has been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself and with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

The old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"

Instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story?

Don't mess with a wise old dog...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

The art of deception and brilliance only come with age and experience.


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