From the Desk of Don Slinger Issue 57

Winter 2005 CSANews Issue 57  |  Posted date : May 25, 2007.Back to list

Hi Folks!

Being retired and with time on my hands, I have lots of opportunities to keep in touch with world events. Here is one of the most recent that should be of interest to all of you.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official

language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would become known as Euro-English.

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one fewer letter.

There will be growing publik akseptanse in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20 per cent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the language is desgrasful and it should go away.

By the fourth yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and after ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

And now, back to old-fashioned English. The following information should clear up some misconceptions that many of us have harboured over the years:

  • The Hundred Years War lasted for 116 years.
  • Panama hats are made in Ecuador.
  • Catgut comes from sheep and horses.
  • The Russians celebrate the October Revolution in November.
  • Camel's-hair brushes are made of squirrel fur.
  • The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after dogs.
  • King George VI's first name was Albert.
  • Chinese gooseberries come from New Zealand.
  • The black box in a commercial airplane is orange, of course.

And in closing, I leave you with this thought. While it's nice to wake up in the morning, don't let it be the highlight of your day.

God Bless!